there's no place like home.

I, however, firmly believe that Oz trumps Kansas, or anything else America has to offer.

There still hasn't been a chance to catch up on sleep, but at least I've figured out what time it is where I'm at. I should be fast asleep like the rest of Australia, but my body still feels like it's in America, and it's the wrong end of the morning - I should be up and at it. In Europe, it's well into the evening and I should also be up and at it. So despite what my Mum wants me to do, I am up and at it.

At least I am not the only Laine child who doesn't sleep. Most of us are up and at it, those of us who are here. I hear Rockband on down the hall, I suppose that means everyone is up. Everyone except Mum, and maybe Alyse. She is probably asleep on the couch down there, somehow blocking out the boys being rowdy. I wonder which one of them is trying to sing? I wonder when someone will pay Asher to play this game? Kid is epic, and hey... he's one of us. He's got to be famous for something, right?

This is only the tip of the iceberg. Friday we go around the gulf to whichever beach Mum has chosen this time, and Friday, all 500 of us will be together again: aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, in-laws, and friends. Seriously, a hell of a lot of people. I love our family Christmases, for as long as I can remember we've done it like this: rent house on beach. Head to house the weekend before Christmas. Decorate in a mad whirl. Celebrate Christmas on beach. Food, beer, cricket and music, until the sun is long gone and someone passes out. As soon as someone passes out (or nearly falls into the fire, or tries to get the babies drunk, or throws up in sight of Mum), Mum calls an end to it and we all go to bed. So we try to stay on our best drunken behavior. Try.

On top of Christmas, we have other celebrations to attend to. My niece is turning 5 next Wednesday, and my littlest brother will be a teenager two days into the new year. Where has the time gone?

It's probably a good thing said little brother just burst into the room, ranting about Alfie's lack of vocal skills (...what?) and demanding I come join his band before his scores go to waste, because I would spend the rest of the night rambling and reminiscing. But who am I to deny our littlest, and spoiledest, what he wants? He's going to make tiger toast if I comply - how can I say no to that?

I never want to leave this again. Burn the ruby slippers, I refuse to depart.

Congratulations, my Soundwaves!

You my babies deserved all the awards, but three is not shabby at all.

Also Uncle Murray. Like you need anymore tokens of your awesomeness though? Really.

That's the most important thing I have to say. It's not what anyone wants to hear from me at the moment, I am well aware of that. But I'd like to keep some things to myself right now. It's rare... it's new, and it's the new standard. I appreciate the concern, but please don't try to find your way in. I need time with myself and my family if anything is going to improve.

Things are okay. Up and down, but getting steadily better. Today is 12 days, and I am proud of that - it's harder than you can imagine for some of us. My brothers come and see me a lot, and my sisters when they can. My Mum stays close. We have another little Laine (a Cahill model, limited edition) coming in a few days and I am excited for her arrival. I have Baby Dior shoes for her. I'm having a tea party with my best friends sometime soon, and I have a new plushy pet. An elephant, he is fat and named Chunk, and stuffed with lots of love. I'm planning a trip to Japan and spending Christmas with my family and my best friend, on the beach. I'd rather focus on the up than the down.

I have the best friends and family in the world and I don't know what I'd do without them. You know who you are... and thank you. We'll all get through this.

Now that it's already been spread all over the internet, I may as well put some of my music up officially. It's not ready, but most of you've heard it all anyway. Two tracks up here didn't get leaked, I am putting them here as a gift to those who've respected our wishes and resisted the temptation to steal what we didn't put out. All of this is for you guys.

Seven Days A Week - This one is about Jayda and her perfect ass. It's my first song, and this is the one I was most upset about leaking because it's by far the most personal.

Night After Night - I posted the lyrics to this awhile back, or at least a rough version. I did the music myself, too. Yes, I play piano - Mum taught us all when we were young.

Mine For Life - If Australia were my boyfriend, this is what I'd write to him. I could never leave you, even though I've tried.

Rock and Roll - Basically, the title says it.

Hope You're Happy Now - Thanks, haters.

Tony The Beat - This is Alfie's genius and this is my own leak, because this is too flawless to keep to myself. Cocky? Yes. Honest? At least I am that too.

Queen of Apology - August's turn for genius. This is what we did yesterday.


Hm. By the way, I am not in rehab (thanks Perez?) but at home with my family, where I should be. They're better at keeping me in line than a bunch of overpaid shrinks anyway. While I'm here: nor am I sleeping with anyone, nor am I doing much of anything, nor am I fighting with anyone. Well, mostly - I've been kicking our littlest's ass at Guitar Hero and got into a screaming row at the Crows game (which kicked fucking ass, Brett Burton will you marry me?) over Adelaide vs Port with my older sister - does that count? I didn't think so either.

Peace out for now.

To my family:

I’m sorry I didn’t turn out how you had hoped. I’m sorry I taught you things you had no business knowing. I’m sorry I called you a bitch. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I played favourites and put you against one another. I’m sorry I slept with your roommate. I’m sorry I tried to send you back, more than once. I’m sorry I don’t know your kids. I’m sorry for never being good enough for you. I’m sorry for being a shitty role model. I’m sorry I ruined tequila for you. I’m sorry I laughed when you panicked over exams. I’m sorry I can’t come back. I’m sorry for the broken bottles. I’m sorry for screwing up. I’m sorry for getting lost out here. I’m sorry I ruined our vacation. I’m sorry for picking on you endlessly. I’m sorry I don’t know you better. I’m sorry for feeding your goldfish to the wallaby. I’m sorry I stole your favourite pants. I’m sorry for missing your graduation. I’m sorry I never had one myself. I’m sorry for getting drunk at your wedding. I’m sorry I never listened. I’m sorry I don’t know you better, either. I’m sorry I can’t support you in this. I’m sorry I made you cry. I’m sorry I let you down, too. I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I changed.

Someday, I hope I can make it up to you. I love you, all of you.

Love,
Aubrey