LISTEN. I DID NOT GET MARRIED. I REPEAT, I DID NOT GET MARRIED.



Stop it. Seriously.


Fine, you want an explaination? We got bored on a Saturday morning, Alfie and I, so we decided his dog needed to commit herself to the love of her life. So she did, with cake and a dress and a wedding party to end all wedding parties. I even bought new Jimmy Choos for the occasion. Now. Please shut up about it. I'm not married and I have no intentions to ever marry. I am not the marrying type. You're worrying innocent mums and confusing confusable sisters.

This is so out of hand.

The Festival of Boris isn't soon enough, so the impatient Naughty Sorceress is throwing a party of her own. She's in Sydney tonight, and has brought some friends with her.

I hear Sneaky Pete is invited. Don't tell.

Encore!

Take Two.

Tonight begins a new way of life, and while cameras will still be following close it will be of my own volition for once, and I'll have my two favourite people in the entire universe with me all the while. The former arrangements with MTV fell through (needless to say, I should imagine) but I managed to add my dear brothers into the mix and work out a new deal. So the three of us, come late summer (likely they want to coincide things with both the Olympics, and Soundwave's yet to be scheduled North American release and tour - because they are going to blow up thanks to this show - around the same timeframe), will be all over MTV. I personally hope we turn vegemite sandwiches into a new trend.

One of the perks I've just recently discovered via my business manager? MTV is going to foot the bill for my birthday party, meaning I don't have to lift either a finger or gold card and it'll probably be the biggest party I've yet been to - other than those hall-wide uni parties I used to follow August to, although that's an entirely different scene altogether. I just send a list of what I want and they will have it all done up just how I like it. I haven't yet decided on any of it, I'm waiting for August to get here so I can consult him on the matter. May 3rd though; keep your calendars clear. Yeah, I could definitely get used to this.

I've yet to find a house, but again with August arriving tomorrow, I will consult him (he's my personal life coach, basically) and in his all-knowing ways he will yay or nay what I have seen thus far and point me in the right direction. Or he will just find something perfect for me while Alfie and I spar on the streets of Bel Air, Matrix style, and get ourselves booted from the neighbourhood before we're even officially in.

There are plenty more ridiculously crazy plans Alfie and I have made, but for the sake of spoilers and potential criminal implications, I had best not reveal them all here. I will however apologize endlessly to Soundwave fans for getting my Bug tied up a bit longer and the tour inevitably postponed even further, however I am certain MTV Australia will pick this up for you all and it'll be worth it - we'll let them air our No Diggity dance and it'll definitely be worth it.

You haven't seen anything until you've seen Alfie Isaac Laine dropping it like it's hot.

If you do one thing before you die, get really drunk and play Rockband with a bunch of crazy Hollywood Hills kids. Shoot some Jager then fire up the X-Box, and give Shirley Manson a run for her ridiculously sexy money. I swear, you won't regret a fucking thing. And I totally owned my babydaddy (David Bowie), NIN and Courtney Love too, for the record. I should be a rockstar.

There is hockey on and I have no idea what's going on. Attractive men keep punching each other... I could learn to enjoy this.

I am homeless and trying to choose a new neighbourhood. Glendale, Brentwood, or Venice? Honestly, there are thousands of neighbourhoods in LA and I am having trouble narrowing it down, those three just popped up. I've moved out of my place in Castellammare and am kind of thinking of actually getting a house instead of just an apartment... I don't know why I feel like settling suddenly, but California makes me happy. Anyway, I have no idea where to look and I am going to make Alfie come apartment/house shopping with me, he is much better at making decisions than I am and we are going to need somewhere to stay while he's here. Also I want him to come furniture shopping with me because he has amazing taste in everything. Why is he single? He is like the perfect man.

Here is my dirty laundry: I'm proud of you for finally standing up to my bullshit, but it hurts more than I'd expected. Now I know how emptiness feels and now I know what it means to be entirely alone. Now I have no one to blame but myself - but we're all better off that way anyway. I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry. Don't forgive me, just know that I really am sorry. And I really do love you.

Finally, Jaeda Calviston is a smokin hot babe, and also a very sweet person. It doesn't happen much, and I am going to set her up with my little brother if it's the last thing I do. That is all for today.

Dear Sydney,


Tonight (15 March) there is going to be a show at The Forum. Sneaky Pete is playing, and while you probably have never heard of them, as an early fan of their work I highly reccomend you all go - I promise you won't regret it. Also, I won't be the only Laine there, though I'm sure I'll be the cutest.

See you all tonight - and beware of Decepticons.


Love,
Aubrey