LISTEN. I DID NOT GET MARRIED. I REPEAT, I DID NOT GET MARRIED.



Stop it. Seriously.


Fine, you want an explaination? We got bored on a Saturday morning, Alfie and I, so we decided his dog needed to commit herself to the love of her life. So she did, with cake and a dress and a wedding party to end all wedding parties. I even bought new Jimmy Choos for the occasion. Now. Please shut up about it. I'm not married and I have no intentions to ever marry. I am not the marrying type. You're worrying innocent mums and confusing confusable sisters.

This is so out of hand.